jake's mom

1.10.2007

You Learn Something New Every Day...

...And today, I learned that eating soy products will make your child gay. Of course! That makes so much sense!

Columnist Mark Morford explores the claim:

I see you smiling, you over there who actually read books and eat well and, you know, think for yourself. I see you shaking your head in disbelief, perhaps thinking I am making this up. Alas, I am not. It is a real article, read (presumably) by real humans, many of whom might actually believe it, just like they believe that immigrants want to "mongrelize" the American "race" and that Christmas trees are actually Christian and that Taylor Hicks is somehow tolerable. It's funny because it's true.

But wait. Do not fall into fits of ironic intellectual mirth just yet, because perhaps you should consider the ugly truth that, by logical extension, God hates vegans.

Is it not obvious? After all, most vegans eat a lot of soy. Consequently, most vegans are, of course, violently gay, just like billions of Asians who've eaten soy products for millennia and are so gay and feminine and estrogen heavy they can barely stand up. Which explains Hello Kitty. And samurai movies. And the Scion Xb. I mean, obviously.

It's science.
posted by brian at 2:02 PM | Permalink

0 Comment(s) - Click to View/Hide

 

 
 


[ contributors ]
-contact us-
C
brian
nick
jp

[ links ]
friends
curious character
common sense dancing
phonograph
relative path
takecover!
politics
american progress
daily kos
democracy for america
talking points memo
andrew tobias
tech
engadget
slashdot
tunes
angels twenty
coolfer
kexp
largehearted boy
soma fm
stereogum
the big ticket
ttiktda


Add to MyYahoo This page is powered by Blogger.